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Epidemic warning: Outbreak of malicious football virus

Epidemic warning: Outbreak of malicious football virus

Happy I am not to run the risk to end this way:

Epidemic Warning: Outbreak of malicious football-virus

Epidemic Warning: Outbreak of malicious football-virus (pixelio.de)

I must clarify whether it is a possible to file an intelligence rape suit – because I have to listen to all the babble for months. No escape. I don’t want to change my brain with pressurized air. Poor, poor me.

Some time ago I had some thoughts on how to make football more fun and even more profitable, but they didn’t make it. Or, why don’t they play with just one goal? 22 men, constantly putting it in, one by one, the audience could start scream nonstop «GOOOO…» and ending after 2 hours with «…AAALLLLL!!!». Even hardcore hooligans will be out of puff – no riots, no police, no problems. Ecstasy in perfection!

Or, why not 22 goals: isn’t it unfair that only two of the guys got one? Why not to fairgoal? Yes, and 22 fairballs, nicely color coded: Yellow ball, yellow goal, etc. But, uh, no, that may be to difficult. The intellectuals are needed to shout on the tribune, the word has more than four letters and doesn’t start with «f»: «Gooaaal».

However, I must be grateful to be immune. Thanks, Dad!

New Rules for Euro 2010

New Rules for Euro 2010

As a football freak a can’t wait for Euro 2010, so I did some research and came along some very interesting news you’ll want to know! The economically oriented think tank „Profeetball“ found out that with some new, interesting rules sales could be doubled by minimum!

New rules: Flat footballs

So they asked: If football falls flat, why not play with flat fool footballs to kick off the business? With less injuries estimated, insurance rates will be massively lower, slow runners catch more balls and even chinese manufacturers should have no problems with quality control.

So less expenses and more turnover will follow. Governments already pays for infrastructure, tax exemption should follow for Euro 2012, making it the perfect event: Circuses for all, bread for some and profits for a few.

But that’s not all: Bala Fuss, a Swiss member of the think tank, brought in another idea. Since flat building land will become rare and expensive in future they plan alternative football pitches:

New football pitch norms

The idea is, all 22 player walk the street at the bottom, kicking upwards. The team making a goal has to run up and down as many times as they have scored goals yet. This new kind of fairplay aligns with the marketing trend of fairtrade, fairtravel, fairvote, fair whatever. So less trained, cheap or child teams have a chance too.

To lean in the „fair“ trend to polish UEFA image some more, used foolballs should be donated to help feed the world.

Football dish

But Mr. Fuss stated that content must be delivered by NGOs. Development aid for stockholders eats up all of UEFAs excesses. The possibility of child work could be met with the slogan „children help children“.

Ain’t that big news? There’s a whole new world of football awaiting! Speaking of the future: A new discovery proofs the beginnings of football:

The primal footballsAccording to the newest historic researches where ancient men kicking each others balls to pay tribute to the last man standing. It took some centuries and some women’s heads until they started team playing with two „real“ balls, but since men are overstrained in multitasking they could only manage one — so football was born. In American football some ancient rules seems to have survived and are considered as proof.

Now it will be a question of time until the new political correctness from subway stations will influence football. Possibly a player then will ask a member of the other team kindly «Could I get the ball, please?». On negative answer the whole first team will kick balls on the questioned player, while the audience goes nuts. It’s called „back to the roots“!

Personally I wouldn’t mind to hand out clubs to players, even to the audience. This could speed up natural selection on mankind.

(Pics: pixelio.de)

A dollars wondrous journey

A dollars wondrous journey

Hello, today’s Blog Action Day! So here’s my post. Since it’s about environment and I thought there are so many experts better than me out there, I’ll write a nice little tale. Well, finally it got a bit oversized, because I tried to tell this and to tell that too, and those points seems important, and so on. There are no Karl-May-like lengthy descriptions, but our little friend stumbles from one adventure into the next before he reaches his destiny.

So I hope you take your time and enjoy the reading! However, I had fun writing it. And please leave a note. 🙂

A dollars wondrous journey

American DollarOnce upon a time there was a lonesome Dollar. It was not very beautiful – more the average type of a green printed piece of paper. He was very ambitious and wanted to make more out of his live. So he decided to go out into the big, wide world to see it all – and to become more beautiful, as every dollar wants to be.

By chance he found himself in Indonesia. He remembered that rainforest is considered as a good place to become more beautiful – for the price of only one tree. «There are so many trees» he thought, «nobody will miss it if I’ll take one».

Short time later he felt more beautiful because it had taken the trees beauty and Dollar was very pleased with himself. But, on the other hand, he felt no longer independent. «Doesn’t matter» he told himself matter-of-factly, and was magically drawn along with the tree over the ocean to America.

ErosionHe never looked behind and so he couldn’t see all the other dollars hunting for beauty in the woods and the trees vanishing one by one. Very quickly the rainforests was cleared of trees – which enhanced neatness and visibility of the environment enormously – and also in making Dollars more beautiful. Problem was, once the forests were deserted, no dollars came anymore. People in now raindesert-countries started to fight each other out of frustration and lack of education to free themselves from their anger. Many times their leaders told them to do so because they feared the powers from the poor. And as long as they fought each other, they wouldn’t fight the leaders.

In America, in the meantime, the tree had ended up as a door case. Our dollar was owned by an international habitation proprietor, now ten times more beautiful. Although he was not free anymore, he had a good life and enjoyed his beauty. To become even more beautiful, he was sent to Germany: There were low cost housings for sale and they promised much beauty. After some home-improvement projects that made the workers sweat, Dollar pocketed his first slice of beauty.

PlattenbauThen the buildings were sold again and our dollar got his second slice of beauty. He returned to America twenty times as beautiful as when he arrived in Europe. Again he didn’t look back and therefore couldn’t see the tears of families which didn’t find a payable flat anymore. And those who could afford high lease prices had to live in energy wasting houses full of toxic materials. It paid the most beauty – for Dollar.

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