As a football freak a can’t wait for Euro 2010, so I did some research and came along some very interesting news you’ll want to know! The economically oriented think tank „Profeetball“ found out that with some new, interesting rules sales could be doubled by minimum!
So they asked: If football falls flat, why not play with flat fool footballs to kick off the business? With less injuries estimated, insurance rates will be massively lower, slow runners catch more balls and even chinese manufacturers should have no problems with quality control.
So less expenses and more turnover will follow. Governments already pays for infrastructure, tax exemption should follow for Euro 2012, making it the perfect event: Circuses for all, bread for some and profits for a few.
But that’s not all: Bala Fuss, a Swiss member of the think tank, brought in another idea. Since flat building land will become rare and expensive in future they plan alternative football pitches:
The idea is, all 22 player walk the street at the bottom, kicking upwards. The team making a goal has to run up and down as many times as they have scored goals yet. This new kind of fairplay aligns with the marketing trend of fairtrade, fairtravel, fairvote, fair whatever. So less trained, cheap or child teams have a chance too.
To lean in the „fair“ trend to polish UEFA image some more, used foolballs should be donated to help feed the world.
But Mr. Fuss stated that content must be delivered by NGOs. Development aid for stockholders eats up all of UEFAs excesses. The possibility of child work could be met with the slogan „children help children“.
Ain’t that big news? There’s a whole new world of football awaiting! Speaking of the future: A new discovery proofs the beginnings of football:
According to the newest historic researches where ancient men kicking each others balls to pay tribute to the last man standing. It took some centuries and some women’s heads until they started team playing with two „real“ balls, but since men are overstrained in multitasking they could only manage one — so football was born. In American football some ancient rules seems to have survived and are considered as proof.
Now it will be a question of time until the new political correctness from subway stations will influence football. Possibly a player then will ask a member of the other team kindly «Could I get the ball, please?». On negative answer the whole first team will kick balls on the questioned player, while the audience goes nuts. It’s called „back to the roots“!
Personally I wouldn’t mind to hand out clubs to players, even to the audience. This could speed up natural selection on mankind.